Why can I never make up my mind????? Shall I go home to London on thursday or friday? Why does it have to take me hours and hours of thinking just to make a small desision who won't make a difference in a few weeks time?? I need to get back so I can repack my bag (I SHOULD GET PAID TO REPACK MY SUITCASE!!) and then go to Bournemouth over the weekend. Chrissie is working on a Corona-event so me and Sarah are supposed to go down there to party. But then Im going to Johannesburgh on Sunday so it's all a bit stressful. This time I am doing botox! Here I come plastic surgery! Wehooo.

I love being here at home. Me and mum had a nice time in town, shopping!! Seing Malin tonight and then Daniel in the pub. I can't keep away from the pubs, not even in Sweden!

I'm on a new diet now, its hard but this is at least something I'm determinded to do. Matilda, here we go, I'm going to look like you one day! Yey! Good old Anna-Cecilia is coming back. slowly but surely. I feel so much happier and I'm starting to realize how many great friends I've got and how wonderful my family is (I've always known they are wonderful but you know what I mean).

Mattis said in her blogg that we always have fun, and we do! Even in rushhour traffic! Even in Willys (foodstore), wherever we go! I love her, I love my mum, dad, Sebbe and everyone who makes my life worth living!

I thought I'd do something good with my days off. So I went to see Amy down the coast in a beautiful little harbour, and we stayed on her rich friends big boat! I enjoyed the 3 hour train journey there, it made me feel that I actually do still live in England. That's things I used to do when I first got here! The train went from a lovely little town called Totnes, so Amy and I had lunch there yesterday before heading back. There was a little castle on the top of the town and small cobbled streets and beautiful coloured houses. We even had cream tea in a little english tea house!

The night we stayed on the boat, we went out at sea on the big waves and drank champagne and gin and tonics. At 23.00 at night we got some indian curry delivered all the way out to the boat, amazing what you can do if you have money! It was so amazing to see Amy again, she is like a sister to me. She is coming to stay at the weekend while Chrissie is away, but still, we started crying when we hugged goodbye! Silly girls, but thats what happens when you really love someone, and I love Amy with all my heart. She is always there for me, every day, when I need her, and I'm always there for her. We text each other at least five times a day!

I'm now having a lazy day at home with Chrissie and then we are going out tonight for a huuuuuge night on the town! Houseparty in Fulham then out pubbing it.

Oh, someone threw a smokebomb on my bus here in Sheperds bush the other day! It was quite scary, you don't know what can happen at any time in these dodgy areas! Luckily nothing bad happened...

This is my amazing friend Amy on the rough sea!


This is me in the little cute town Totnes, with the caste in the background!

Bit by bit things change in my life, and there is nothing I can do about it! It feels weird. I have within the last few weeks moved house, moved on from Marcus and the rest, and tonight  I spoke to Andy and we are not going to see each other again. It's so strange. It's like I'm left with less and less of my old life and am moving on. But why? For what reason? Nothing seems to get better from doing it? Now I have just let a lovely person like Andy go as well, and I don't even try to stop it from happening. Is this all happening for any reason?? I need to know soon or I'm going to go mad. I still don't like my new place, I have this love/hate relationship to it, but mostly hate. Luke and Ness are wonderful and Chrissie and I made our room cosy, and it's nice having her company, but the area is too unexciting for me, and dodgy! I miss Hammersmith so much. ´Why do people in my life always go away? Why do all the friends I make in London move back to their home countries? Why do I always stay? What do I want to do with my life? Where am I going to live and will I ever meet anyone again, who will make me happy? Someone who will make me smile or feel as happy and excited as  when I first met Daniel.

Had a lovely time tonight with Nina and Vickan. We had some proper girly chats about life in a seedy chinese restaurant in Leicester square, we sat there for hours! It felt so nice just talking about relationships, life in general etc etc. I think I needed it. Nina is wonderful and her friend Vickan is such a nice girl too. I wish I had friends like that around more often.

I'm going to sleep now. Feel very uneasy and unsettled right now, am off for a week and can't afford to go to Sweden as I'm going there next weekend too. Work is crap, not giving me any work, so am not earning enough money either. Why is my life such a mess?

Anyway nite x

More shopping! Yey! Finally found the dress for Malins birthday party with the 60th theme, in Topshop!

We went to Allisters housewarming party in Hammersmith last night (me, Nina and Solmaz) and we had so much fun. Never made it to the clubs as we were supposed to but had a good night. Then tonight we went out with Ngari and Lisa to this awesome cocktail place in Covent garden. Two for one cocktails..... yummmmmmyyyyyyyyyy! Then off to Chiquito for some Mexican and more daquiris. I am exhausted but it's been a great weekend.

Hope Nina and I can get tickets for Dirty Dancing, the musical tomorrow!

Well, as I had given up hope that someone is watching over me and leads me on my way through life, and as I had given up my believes that everything happens for a reason, then suddenly things have happened for me to start believing again. There has been so many downs in my life lately, I haven't even been able to regonize myself in these darkest  and most hopeless moments. But... as I was at my lowest I got this trip to Bangkok and Sydney. First I panicked and thought, no way I can go away now for nine days! I just didn't want to but couldn't call sick AGAIN from work. So I packed my bags and left and now I have just stepped through the front door, back in London again, nine days later.

I have had such a wonderful time! I met so many wonderful people. Saying goodbye to Marcus before he left also went better then I had expected and I even knew two guys in my crew. One of them who I spent christmas with in Bombay! I also gained a new friend, Lydia. She is a lovely, gorgeous person from London, who is single and up for fun, so we will definately keep going out here in London. Then I did all these things that brought me back to reality, to life. To the feeling I used to have; that life can be great! :)

I had lots of thai massages, reflexology, the weather was soooo hot and humid, just the way I like it. The people are wonderful and i love the smells of Bangkok, the dirt, the fun, the Singhas (beers), the wonderful thai food! You name it, Bangkok has it all! The shopping is great, our hotel is fantastic! We also went to a bar, called Sirocco. It was the most magical place I have ever been to, it was on the 64th floor of this amazing hotel, with the most beautiful skyline I have ever seen. There we were on the roof terrace, having drinks under the stars. It was an experience I will never forget.

Then I went to Sydney and went out for dinner and lots of catching up and girly chats with Alex, and then I met ANGE the next day! I hadn't seen her for over two years and I couldn't stop hugging her when I saw her! She was gorgeous and slim and just as happy and fun as always. I had missed her so much!

I have started to realize that I have to cut down on food, drinks and become my usual self. I want to lose a lot of weight and get my confidence back. And being single might not be the end of the earth, I just have to find myself again. I am not happy in London at the moment, and not very happy being almost 'homeless' but at least wherever I am, I am sorrounded by friends.

My wonderful friends Nina and Solmaz are coming to visit today, so I am going to sleep now then out with them, I'm off work for a week! I have been awake now for more then 30 hours so I am sooo tired and jetlaged.

Thank God for British Airways!

Here are some pictures from amazing Bangkok!

This is me and some of the lovely crew on the roof terrace bar!



This is the beautiful veiw from the bar!



A typical little thai man selling peanuts on the street!