Standby
I'm on standby. At work, in our crewhotel. And come to think of standby, my whole life seem to be on standby. I'm just waiting for something to happen to lead me on the right path. As it is today I am too exhausted to do it myself. I can't deal with being strong and positive anymore and for example look for a new place to live. I just have to go with the flow.
I have been out drinking myself silly with Leighton (last night) and tonight just watched a dvd and had stirfry and been to the gym. Not too bad I suppose, I like relaxing. But at the same time I get bored.
Thank god I have got my lovely family and friends. Amy rang tonight and then my lovely mum. They are both so supportive but not to blame them; they get frustrated with me!
I have been out drinking myself silly with Leighton (last night) and tonight just watched a dvd and had stirfry and been to the gym. Not too bad I suppose, I like relaxing. But at the same time I get bored.
Thank god I have got my lovely family and friends. Amy rang tonight and then my lovely mum. They are both so supportive but not to blame them; they get frustrated with me!
There is always a day worse then the other!
Well, there I was yesterday thinking that my life was pretty bad. I had to say goodbye to mum and everyone at home and I had one of the worst migraines I have ever had, and I had already had it for the past two days. It was killing me, so much I didn't know how to make it home. But I did.
I had a rest, took a propler strong imigran and Marcus came in and rubbed my sore head, it got better.
And today everything has just fallen apart. I thought yesterday was bad. But today is much worse. I can't write here all what's happened to me today but it has to do with my ex, another thing and also it is about moving house. I started looking today but have already given up! I have two weeks to move and there is no chanse of me finding anything I can afford. I mean, who can afford £200 a week in rent? (2600 kronor i veckan!!) I refuse to move back to Hounslow. And I don't have that energy to look again, it feels like yesterday I moved. And moving brings emotional pain as well, I takes me a lot to move from people and problems and build yet another new life.
Ah well, gotta go... Leighton and Amy both have problems too, so at least we are not alone in the world going through hard things....
I had a rest, took a propler strong imigran and Marcus came in and rubbed my sore head, it got better.
And today everything has just fallen apart. I thought yesterday was bad. But today is much worse. I can't write here all what's happened to me today but it has to do with my ex, another thing and also it is about moving house. I started looking today but have already given up! I have two weeks to move and there is no chanse of me finding anything I can afford. I mean, who can afford £200 a week in rent? (2600 kronor i veckan!!) I refuse to move back to Hounslow. And I don't have that energy to look again, it feels like yesterday I moved. And moving brings emotional pain as well, I takes me a lot to move from people and problems and build yet another new life.
Ah well, gotta go... Leighton and Amy both have problems too, so at least we are not alone in the world going through hard things....
Family
Another day in sweden has gone by and I have enjoyed every minute of it! I was going to go home to London this weekend for a big party but I enjoy being home so much there is no way I'm going!
Went to see my sister, Sebbe and friend Nina for lunch, Then went with dad to help grandma (farmor) with putting easter lillies on grandads grave, shopping and went for burgers...yummy!
Then off to church tonight. There were only our family in the church, it was like a family party, it was great! :) We chatted and the ceremony was so beautiful and actually very moving. It reminded me what easter is all about! Then home to grandma (mormor) for sanwich cakes and coffe, and as usual the entire house were filled with aunties, uncles and cousins, all having a good time! I did the washing up with Jenny at the end and we were giggling so much I was in such a great mood going home. At home me, mum and Lars-Evert had some beers, wine, cheese and biscuits and a long chat.
Today has made me think that I'm not sure I can ever live here again, as it is sooooo bloody freezing cold that it makes my body hurts, I actually feel quite sick because I'm not use to this kind of cold anymore, but how GREAT it is being around family and people you know and love. You get so many hugs, so many laughter and so many great memories in just one day and night. I love it here.
Shame Sebbe is sick and I don't get to see him much, I felt so sorry for him today lying there in his pram looking sad, but then he cheered up again! :) Lilla gosgubben! Also shame my sis seems a bit annoyed with me for some reason, but I know I have the tendency to annoy her with my loud self. I'm not as calm and serious as she can be. Ah well, I love her even tho she told me to go back to England (I was moaning about the cold)... ;)
Below are a couple of photos from today! My gorgeous Sebbe (the most beutiful little man on earth) and me, my auntie Malin and cousin Emma.
Went to see my sister, Sebbe and friend Nina for lunch, Then went with dad to help grandma (farmor) with putting easter lillies on grandads grave, shopping and went for burgers...yummy!
Then off to church tonight. There were only our family in the church, it was like a family party, it was great! :) We chatted and the ceremony was so beautiful and actually very moving. It reminded me what easter is all about! Then home to grandma (mormor) for sanwich cakes and coffe, and as usual the entire house were filled with aunties, uncles and cousins, all having a good time! I did the washing up with Jenny at the end and we were giggling so much I was in such a great mood going home. At home me, mum and Lars-Evert had some beers, wine, cheese and biscuits and a long chat.
Today has made me think that I'm not sure I can ever live here again, as it is sooooo bloody freezing cold that it makes my body hurts, I actually feel quite sick because I'm not use to this kind of cold anymore, but how GREAT it is being around family and people you know and love. You get so many hugs, so many laughter and so many great memories in just one day and night. I love it here.
Shame Sebbe is sick and I don't get to see him much, I felt so sorry for him today lying there in his pram looking sad, but then he cheered up again! :) Lilla gosgubben! Also shame my sis seems a bit annoyed with me for some reason, but I know I have the tendency to annoy her with my loud self. I'm not as calm and serious as she can be. Ah well, I love her even tho she told me to go back to England (I was moaning about the cold)... ;)
Below are a couple of photos from today! My gorgeous Sebbe (the most beutiful little man on earth) and me, my auntie Malin and cousin Emma.
My life aint no prawn sandwich!
Just back from spending the night with Malin, my lovely auntie! She is like a sister and the best friend, and I felt I had really missed her a lot since I last got a chanse to see her. We had food in a great pub and then went to another pub for more wine and hours of chat and laughter! This is what life is about, family and friends. And Malin- she is combined, the best of both! ;)
I went to see my grandma (mormor) today and while I was there Malin came in, Glenn, and my cousins Amanda and Evelina. We sat there, all different ages and chatted about boys problems etc. Amanda really likes this guy in school and he stood her up today because of a test in school. It starts already, poor her.
I am 33 now and I am still going through the same kind of problems. I am in love with this guy (no names) and I know I am being stupid and all that, that I shouldn't be, but hey, who can help your feelings? No matter what age you are?! Very frustrating. I look at him and my heart melts, its been ages since I felt this way. But life is hard, and it sucks, but I'm sure some day it will work out anyway. And I will get over him too. I guess life is a big lesson.
Malin said tonight something funny. She said some people go through life like 'sliding on a prawn sandwich'! That might sound strange but I think it's so true. I might not have the perfect life, but I have been through a lot of things in life, while some people just slide on that sandwich not ever having to go through any hard desisions or any heartaches and these people don't really know what life is about. Everything has been served on a plate for them, all their lives. But hey, then maybe these people are not tough enough to go through a heartbreak? So maybe they get away with it all because they wouldn't be able to cope?
That was all a bit deep, but then again I had a few wines...
Nite nite xx
I went to see my grandma (mormor) today and while I was there Malin came in, Glenn, and my cousins Amanda and Evelina. We sat there, all different ages and chatted about boys problems etc. Amanda really likes this guy in school and he stood her up today because of a test in school. It starts already, poor her.
I am 33 now and I am still going through the same kind of problems. I am in love with this guy (no names) and I know I am being stupid and all that, that I shouldn't be, but hey, who can help your feelings? No matter what age you are?! Very frustrating. I look at him and my heart melts, its been ages since I felt this way. But life is hard, and it sucks, but I'm sure some day it will work out anyway. And I will get over him too. I guess life is a big lesson.
Malin said tonight something funny. She said some people go through life like 'sliding on a prawn sandwich'! That might sound strange but I think it's so true. I might not have the perfect life, but I have been through a lot of things in life, while some people just slide on that sandwich not ever having to go through any hard desisions or any heartaches and these people don't really know what life is about. Everything has been served on a plate for them, all their lives. But hey, then maybe these people are not tough enough to go through a heartbreak? So maybe they get away with it all because they wouldn't be able to cope?
That was all a bit deep, but then again I had a few wines...
Nite nite xx
Sundsvall...
I'm sitting in my mum's clean and homely kitchen, I just got here tonight. My dad picked me up from the airport in his new leather jacket and nice new shoes and then we went to Matildas place for 'fika' (coffe and cakes) and I got to kiss and cuddle my most favourite man in the entire world, my nephew Sebastian! My mum had cut his hair and he could almost walk now and he is GORGEOUS!! I love him so much it hurts!
This is beautiful Sebastian!
I am getting a bit worked up tonight about moving house. HOW will I ever find anything good again and cheap???? I love Hammersmith and it will be hard to find anything that will be good enough for me.
Never mind, Im going to bed now. Just chatting on msn to Stephen, my lovely gay friend from BA! We are talking about sex so gotta go and concentrate on the conversation... he he.
Hungover
What a funny night! Lying here on the couch feeling like shit (excuse my language but it's true) and thinking back to last night. Went to see my old friend Emil who is also and ex 'fling'. He had a huge group of friends there in the Elk bar, as he is going home to South Africa for a few months. I kept asking me to come so I went and had a great night with too many drinks, but the things is I didn't know he had a new girlfriend and she was so jelaous! She hated me and he kept talking to me which didn't help... Then basically all his friends were trying it on with me and HE then got jelaous of THEM! Ha ha. Anyway I had fun, then when I was on my way home he texted me saying he has still got feelings for me! Weird.
Then I went home and spoke to Karla for hours until I almost had sobered up and my throat was sore from all the talking. This morning I got woken up way too early by a drunk Marcus and Dano, trying to book us tickets for Glastonbury festival, but we couldnt get any!!!!! Such a shame!
I am going home to sweden tomorrow. Can't wait to see my family. The only annoying thing is that it will be hard getting back to London next weekend as there are no flights or buses going to Stockholm from Sundsvall... hm... And train is so expensive it sux!
Anyway, enough writing. Will see if I can drag myself off the couch and have publunch with Andy.
xx
Then I went home and spoke to Karla for hours until I almost had sobered up and my throat was sore from all the talking. This morning I got woken up way too early by a drunk Marcus and Dano, trying to book us tickets for Glastonbury festival, but we couldnt get any!!!!! Such a shame!
I am going home to sweden tomorrow. Can't wait to see my family. The only annoying thing is that it will be hard getting back to London next weekend as there are no flights or buses going to Stockholm from Sundsvall... hm... And train is so expensive it sux!
Anyway, enough writing. Will see if I can drag myself off the couch and have publunch with Andy.
xx
Boston
Just woke up with a bit of a hangover... Went to the bar last night and with all of us already being tired and jetlagged from flying in from London, it probably didn't help me drinking a huge glass of wine followed by three pints of Budweiser! Hm... Had a great laugh though, especially with our CSD. I've worked with him before and he is such a nice guy. He ended up wanting to take me out in London sometime... ha ha ha. Typical. We were the last once in the bar in the end.
Later... I went for a walk around Boston and it's true what they say, it's a very different city compared to the rest of the states, with historic arcitecture and lovely buildings and cobbled streets. I walked through the famous Newbury street and botanic gardens up to Beacon Hill. Of course I also ran in to H&M and bought a new top! ;) I had to take a photo of Acorn Street too, which is apparently the most photographed steet in America... don't ask me why, it wasn't the most fabulous streets in the world.
Acorn Street, the 'most photographed street in America
'
Later... I went for a walk around Boston and it's true what they say, it's a very different city compared to the rest of the states, with historic arcitecture and lovely buildings and cobbled streets. I walked through the famous Newbury street and botanic gardens up to Beacon Hill. Of course I also ran in to H&M and bought a new top! ;) I had to take a photo of Acorn Street too, which is apparently the most photographed steet in America... don't ask me why, it wasn't the most fabulous streets in the world.
Acorn Street, the 'most photographed street in America
'
Spring in London
Days off...I'm spending my days off going for jogs by the thamse as I am trying to be healthy and get fit for summer and also catching up with some friends. I have been sleeping until 12.30 and staying up all night, just the way I like it!
Last night I was a bit upset so my best male friend in the whole world, Leighton, came to my rescue and we ended up drinking in a great pub on the thamse in Richmond. I love being around friends like him, we have such a laugh and can talk about absolutely everything, also with both me and him being sad single people ;) makes it great being able to give each other advice. I mean, I can give him advice about what girls REALLY do think and he tells me the absolute truth about how these horrible selfish men think and behave. Its just great. We ended up going home when we got kicked out of the bar and chatting on msn until 4 am!
Actually, Leighton also told me the truth about this blogg, he said it was boring, with no juicy gossip. I think he is telling the truth so if I wasn't so scared I do have soooo much gossip I could put here. My life seem to be a constant soap opera so it would probably shock everyone if I told you all what for example is going on in my flying job, between people, my friends love life, my love affairs etc etc. I wish I could write it all. But do I dare doing that?
I am so sick of men. I have so many single friends and we chat for hours about men and it never stop amazing me how one is worse then the other. People lie, cheat, dump each other and treat people mean, and this always seem to be done by MEN! I wish I was a lesbian!
All you married and happy coupely people out there, you dont know how lucky you are! But then again, I do have a lot of fun being single too...Not easy this life, is it? I feel a bit annoyed and fed up with my messy life at the moment. I'm wondering when it will ever work out and I get a more stable life knowing what I really want and that I'm happy. But then again, as usual, I get some strange strong power coming my way and I stand up, get strong again and decide to get on with life. And that's what I'm doing, it aint that bad after all.
Actually, my friend Daniel Lindberg just told me his mum is very sick with cancer and it made me think that why do I worry so much about silly things when there are so many more important problems that people are going through in life? My family means more then anything so now I just can't wait to go home and see them next week!
Have to stop watching Jeremy Kyle show now and go running... then out for drinks with Mr Burley.
xx
Lite senare...jag läste precis min syster Matildas blogg... vad underbar du är Mattis! Jag började gråta, du är så underbar gumman. Jag saknar dig med, och ibland känns det precis som du säger att vi är så långt från varandra, men du vet i våra hjärtan är vi alltid nära. Jag kommer aldrig att glömma när vi satt på morfars begravning och du tog min hand genom tårarna. Jag älskar dig syrran. Kommer hem till veckan och kramar om dig!
Last night I was a bit upset so my best male friend in the whole world, Leighton, came to my rescue and we ended up drinking in a great pub on the thamse in Richmond. I love being around friends like him, we have such a laugh and can talk about absolutely everything, also with both me and him being sad single people ;) makes it great being able to give each other advice. I mean, I can give him advice about what girls REALLY do think and he tells me the absolute truth about how these horrible selfish men think and behave. Its just great. We ended up going home when we got kicked out of the bar and chatting on msn until 4 am!
Actually, Leighton also told me the truth about this blogg, he said it was boring, with no juicy gossip. I think he is telling the truth so if I wasn't so scared I do have soooo much gossip I could put here. My life seem to be a constant soap opera so it would probably shock everyone if I told you all what for example is going on in my flying job, between people, my friends love life, my love affairs etc etc. I wish I could write it all. But do I dare doing that?
I am so sick of men. I have so many single friends and we chat for hours about men and it never stop amazing me how one is worse then the other. People lie, cheat, dump each other and treat people mean, and this always seem to be done by MEN! I wish I was a lesbian!
All you married and happy coupely people out there, you dont know how lucky you are! But then again, I do have a lot of fun being single too...Not easy this life, is it? I feel a bit annoyed and fed up with my messy life at the moment. I'm wondering when it will ever work out and I get a more stable life knowing what I really want and that I'm happy. But then again, as usual, I get some strange strong power coming my way and I stand up, get strong again and decide to get on with life. And that's what I'm doing, it aint that bad after all.
Actually, my friend Daniel Lindberg just told me his mum is very sick with cancer and it made me think that why do I worry so much about silly things when there are so many more important problems that people are going through in life? My family means more then anything so now I just can't wait to go home and see them next week!
Have to stop watching Jeremy Kyle show now and go running... then out for drinks with Mr Burley.
xx
Lite senare...jag läste precis min syster Matildas blogg... vad underbar du är Mattis! Jag började gråta, du är så underbar gumman. Jag saknar dig med, och ibland känns det precis som du säger att vi är så långt från varandra, men du vet i våra hjärtan är vi alltid nära. Jag kommer aldrig att glömma när vi satt på morfars begravning och du tog min hand genom tårarna. Jag älskar dig syrran. Kommer hem till veckan och kramar om dig!
There is always shopping!
So... still in San Fransisco. Its such a great city and our hotel is in the middle of the best shopping district so you can only guess what I ended up doing today! ;) Went for lunch with the girls in my crew, we sat on a roof terrace in the sun overlooking unioun square, so lovely. The spring is in the air! My dad rang me when we were there, he is going to Finland this weekend. We hadnt spoken for ages so it was great hearing his voice although we had to finish off quickly as its so expensive talking on the mobile from here.
And guess what... I decided (partly thanks to Marcus) that I didnt need to go to that psychic but instead I could spend that money on some shopping. So I bought two lovely new tops in 'Forever 21', such a good shop! Also bought some more sushi. Im going to head off to the gym now and try being a good girl and not going out drinking tonight, I need to be healthy and I need to save some money. Or at least save it for shopping instead of alcohol...he he. We are having a barbeque at home on Sunday so I can save the drinking until then.
Hope you all will have a great weekend!
And guess what... I decided (partly thanks to Marcus) that I didnt need to go to that psychic but instead I could spend that money on some shopping. So I bought two lovely new tops in 'Forever 21', such a good shop! Also bought some more sushi. Im going to head off to the gym now and try being a good girl and not going out drinking tonight, I need to be healthy and I need to save some money. Or at least save it for shopping instead of alcohol...he he. We are having a barbeque at home on Sunday so I can save the drinking until then.
Hope you all will have a great weekend!
''If you're going to Saaaan Fransiscooo...''
Well, I didn't get eleven days off as I thought, British Airways gave me a trip to San Fransisco. So here I am, lying in my five star hotelbed, exhausted! Knackered, in fact! I'm so tired, I went out with Chrissy the night before this trip, we went to Hard Rock Cafe in London where Jamelia was playing. Lovely Chrissy got us in for free in the VIP section on top of all, and we had about a hundred free coronas...
Not a good idea when I had to get up at 6am the next morning, but it was all worth it, I met some really nice people and had a good laugh.
However... after getting a few hours sleep i took the tube to work, boarded the jumbo jet to San Fran and here I am. Havent slept for 24 hours and really SHOULD sleep. I get so tired and jetlaged sometimes that I dont even know what I am doing. I went for coffe this afternoon with Lyndsey in my crew, then went back to my room and pigged out on sushi, yummy.
So the plans for the rest of this trip? Hm...getting up to go to the gym, then a bit of shopping (and maybe finding some energy to walk up nobbys hill), then we are going to see a psychic believe it or not! I need some guidance in my life and this woman just stopped me in the street today and said that I have strong energy around me so she wanted to do my reading. Will see what she says tomorrow and if she is any good? Hm...
Gotta sleep now. I'm posting a photo of me and Chrissy partying at Hard Rock!
London calling....
I've got a few days off. Or ELEVEN to be exact, way too long. British Airways has got a new rule about us not being allowed to fly more then 900 hours a year, and now I have flown 873 which means I can't get any work! It's nice being off but I'm losing out on a lot of money. So I thought I might go and visit mum and Lars-Evert in Thailand, or go home to see Matilda and Sebbe but then again they can call me in for a course and I have to get back here quickly. So dunno what to do now? Well, I have got a lot to do, I need to sort out my holidays this year, do my washing, exercise, send some emails, ring my grandma, Matilda, etc etc. And I'm going out tuesday with my friend Jana. Wednesday I am going with my housemate Chrissy to watch Jamelia in Hard Rock Cafe. She is working for Corona so she always gets freebies everywhere so it should be good!
I'm planning on going to Edinburgh this weekend too, with Chrissy, Dano and Marcus. We always have so much fun so should be good getting away up to Scotland for a few drinks and some fun! :)
Here is a photo from last week, a crazy night in London city with them all (my housemates).
I'm planning on going to Edinburgh this weekend too, with Chrissy, Dano and Marcus. We always have so much fun so should be good getting away up to Scotland for a few drinks and some fun! :)
Here is a photo from last week, a crazy night in London city with them all (my housemates).
Chicago- the windy city
I'm in Chicago, with work. It's called the windy city and that is soooo true! Every time I've been here it's been freezing cold and so windy, except once last summer. But it's a great place with so much to see and do. Today it's St Patricks Day and they have dyed the river green, I can see it from my hotelroom. I went to the gym today, bleached my hair and then walked down to my favourite cafe- 'The corner bakery'. They have such good coffe and grilled panins, and it's always packed with loud americans. Today I got some new friends in some old women, I was being nice and moved seat so they could sit together and all of a sudden I was their new best friend. They are so funny these americans! :) At least they made me smile. I ran back afterwards to my hotel, it's way too cold to be walking around the streets today. I'm going to fly back to London in a couple of hours. This job is the best job in the world, but I so wish I was home in Lonodn today with my friends for St Patricks Day. Sometimes it's hard not to be able to chose when to be home and when to be off.
But then again, how many people can say they went to Africa, Idia, Mauritius and USA within a month? Hm...maybe I should start realising how lucky I am? I miss my sister Matilda and Sebbe today, so much. I might go home and see them next week if I can. Ah well, time to try working this webpage out and see if I can add some photos, I'm not the best at computers.
This is the green river in Chicago! The view from my hotelroom.
But then again, how many people can say they went to Africa, Idia, Mauritius and USA within a month? Hm...maybe I should start realising how lucky I am? I miss my sister Matilda and Sebbe today, so much. I might go home and see them next week if I can. Ah well, time to try working this webpage out and see if I can add some photos, I'm not the best at computers.
This is the green river in Chicago! The view from my hotelroom.
Time to get started...
Ok, here I am... I used to think these bloggs were a bit annoying as everyone (at least in sweden) seem to be doing them, but then I heard of my sweetie sister Matildas blogg, and I read it- and LOVED it! I thought I might as well start writing in case someone one day is interested in what I am doing or where I am. I already had the webpage set up and all, by my dear friend Malin! :) Also, I am constantly writing a diary on my laptop, and as I love writing I thought it might be fun, although just in case you are wondering, I am NOT going to write anything here that I confess in my diaries... That would be too much fun for you guys! He he... Only one problem.. do I write in english or swedish? As a lot of my friends are english speaking I though I'd write in english, so everyone can read it. Might seem a bit weird to my swedish friends and relatives but I do always speak english nowadays, I dream in english and think in english, so I might as well...
So here we go...
