Bit by bit things change in my life, and there is nothing I can do about it! It feels weird. I have within the last few weeks moved house, moved on from Marcus and the rest, and tonight  I spoke to Andy and we are not going to see each other again. It's so strange. It's like I'm left with less and less of my old life and am moving on. But why? For what reason? Nothing seems to get better from doing it? Now I have just let a lovely person like Andy go as well, and I don't even try to stop it from happening. Is this all happening for any reason?? I need to know soon or I'm going to go mad. I still don't like my new place, I have this love/hate relationship to it, but mostly hate. Luke and Ness are wonderful and Chrissie and I made our room cosy, and it's nice having her company, but the area is too unexciting for me, and dodgy! I miss Hammersmith so much. ´Why do people in my life always go away? Why do all the friends I make in London move back to their home countries? Why do I always stay? What do I want to do with my life? Where am I going to live and will I ever meet anyone again, who will make me happy? Someone who will make me smile or feel as happy and excited as  when I first met Daniel.

Had a lovely time tonight with Nina and Vickan. We had some proper girly chats about life in a seedy chinese restaurant in Leicester square, we sat there for hours! It felt so nice just talking about relationships, life in general etc etc. I think I needed it. Nina is wonderful and her friend Vickan is such a nice girl too. I wish I had friends like that around more often.

I'm going to sleep now. Feel very uneasy and unsettled right now, am off for a week and can't afford to go to Sweden as I'm going there next weekend too. Work is crap, not giving me any work, so am not earning enough money either. Why is my life such a mess?

Anyway nite x